Party of One

Today, I tried to do too many things in one day, like all my Christmas shopping. The day started nicely, with an ornament exchange at Deborah's house where I received a lovely angel ornament that reminds me of my mom. I then come home to find that someone has taken my huge Christmas wreath off of the front of my house and replaced it with a "dorky" fall wreath. I have to admit I've never had anyone steal something, but leave something behind in its place. As I said on facebook, I will find you. You left your DNA on your leave behind wreath and my CSI people are working on it now :)

I then venture to Santa Barbara (30 miles south) as I live in the town of Mayberry with no stores to begin my holiday shopping. It begins to pour rain enroute. First stop, K-Mart with a return of picture frames. Begin shopping, have success, and buy umbrella to get to car that is one mile away in parking lot. Raining hard now.

Next need to find bathing suit for cruise. OK, I have faith there will be sun on this Mexican Riviera cruise. Have you ever tried to find a bikini in December? I'd have better luck finding the Holy Grail. I found half a bikini at Pac Sun.

I look at Costco's parking lot. I don't have the strength to attempt that, so I head to the mall. The rain is now coming down sideways. I enter the Hallmark store to pick up first chrismas in our "new home" ornaments for Carly and Kyle as they are first time home owners this year. They are sold-out. I hate you Hallmark. I tramp back thru the streams of water pooling in the parking lot to my car. Thank goodness I bought an umbrella. I move my car 4 stores over to Borders. Gift cards for the twins and books for Chelsea. Heaven forbid they would have the book Chelsea wants......its only available on line.........so she instead gets a book on Hollywood and Broadway plays and she will like it....or else. I am now hungry, that deviled egg I ate at the ornament exchange has worn off, so I head to Mirabelles. Oh and yes there was a dress shop in here that I went to somewhere in between. Waste of a stop.

Crossng the now flooded parking lot, my flared levis have water stains up to my knees and I feel like I have ankle weights on. My "movie star" hair style that I had this morning now looks like I put my car keys into an electrical outlet. I look like Bozo the clown in wet pants. The hostess greets me as I shake off the rain like a dog after a bath and asks how many in my party.
One, I say quietly. She then proceeds to turn around and announce in a volume 10 voice to the waiter, PARTY OF ONE. I felt like saying to her....Could you say that just a little louder, I don't think the people in the back of the restaurant heard you!!!!! I then begin the walk of shame thru the entire restaurant on parade to the back where no one is seated. Good, it's quiet here. I can eat my meal and no one will notice. I place my order and then get up and go to the restroom to wash my hands. I swear I am gone 90 seconds and when I return my table is GONE. They have slid it over and formed a party of eight with it. Hmmm, so I take the one next to it. I've just put my napkin in my lap when the waiter returns and says "you can't sit there, this is where we are putting a party of twelve". LOVELY. I am now an orphan without a table to call her own. My soup is on its way, perhaps you could just pour it into a paper bag and I will leave and join the homeless. So there I stand in the middle of the party of eight and twelve. The party of eight invites me to join them. Nope, not feeling that one. All I want is my damn soup and to be left alone. They bring in an extra chair and I am seated in the corner like a leper. I inhale my soup and head to Williams Sonoma. Walk aimlessly thru there trying to find something for Carly, nothing. But hey, the rain has stopped, let's cross the parking lot to See's Candy and buy stocking stuffers and stuff myself with chocolate. Now we have a downpour, no problem, I'll just reach for my umbrella......SHITAKE mushrooms, I've left it at Williams Sonoma, an entire parking lot away. GREAT, how much more wet can one get. It is now dark and wet. It was daylight when I started. Ok, I have the umbrella now, let's get to the car and move it to the otherside of the mall so I can go to my final destination - Macy's. I park the car, open the car door and step into a river of water. But wait, what just fell on my boot? Oh look, there's my cell phone in the river. Could this day get any better?

Into Macy's I go with my return of 2 dresses that did not get worn to the "The EVENT". Of course, the dress department is upstairs. Up the escalator I go, catching a glance of myself in the mirror on the way up. Scary stuff. Return went well, I am done. I step back onto the escalator in my nice, wet, slippery boots and begin to slide, not one, not two, but three steps before I catch my balance. Holy mother of pearl.... Did anyone see that? I looked like Elaine from that Seinfeld episode when she was dancing. That rates right up there with "PARTY OF ONE". Nuff said, sing it Three Dog Night!