The Little Girl in Me

The month of February has not been easy.  Filled with sadness, death and decisions ~ some easy, some not.  But through it all, I realized one thing.  I wasn't taking care of me.  So many women do that.  We are born "nurturers" and tend to put others before ourselves making sure everyone else is "ok".  Unfortunately, we tend to neglect our own feelings, thoughts and wants.
As I sat pondering this thought, moving from room to room in my home, I noticed one "constant" in every room.  Something I have NEVER noticed before.  The pictures in my home all have one thing

in common. Do you see it?

  These pictures have all been purchased since my divorce and they all have one common denominator. Have you figured it out yet?

WOW! How had I not noticed that before? And then I remembered a very important lesson that I learned from my life coach, seven years ago.  She had told me to start taking care of the "little girl in me" when I began to rebuild my life.  The person I had neglected the most.  To begin to nurture her, rebuild her and become strong again. She had suggested I put up a picture of myself as a young girl somewhere where I would see it everyday  so as to remember to take care of  "me". I never put snapshot up.  Yet, EVERY new picture I have added to my home has a little girl in it.  Subconsciously, without realizing it,  I had surrounded myself with "myself".  What an AAA HAA moment that was.  I sat there smiling thru my tears, realizing, yep, once again, it was time to love and take care of "the little girl in me".  P.S.  I only need a minor tune up this time :)

Disney Not

It's 2014 and I've spent most of it in bed, with the flu. Flat on my back, zapped of all energy, wondering if I would ever feel normal again.
It began 2 weeks ago on a Friday morning when my sister, Gina, her daughter and husband and I took off for a trip to Disneyland where they were going to participate in the Tinkerbelle 5K run. I felt a little off on the way down to LA, but shrugged it off as nothing more than a cold.  We arrived at the Happiest Place on Earth and I bought my 2 day hopper pass.  I made it thru 4 rides, before I excused myself back to the hotel.....where I remained until Sunday.  I estimated that those four rides cost me $40.00 a piece.
Back in the hotel room, I am now on a roll away cot as my sis doesn't want my germs in her bed.  It's 80 degrees outside and I have the chills so bad, my teeth are chattering.  I have a fever of heaven knows what and I have already taken 4 baths that afternoon to get warm.  My throat feels like I am swallowing glass.  Night falls and I have watched my sis try on a dozen outfits for the race tomorrow, including tu-tus, tiaras and fairy wings. This fashion show and its dialogue went on for nearly an hour until I requested additional blankets for my cocoon and drugged myself with Nyquil to sleep.
Five AM came really fast when the runners woke up and put themselves together for the race....I listened to swishing sweatpants and clanking curling irons, who curls their hair to run??? They all left for several hours and I listened to the LA freeway outside my window.
I continued to decline that day but was determined to go to Disneyland.  So about 2 PM, I crawled across the street, walked thru the gates, hopped on the train at Main Street and circled Disneyland.  I was hoping the fresh air would help.  NOT.  It took all the strength I had just to crawl back across the street and slither back into my cot hoping to conserve some energy for dinner.
To celebrate Gina's Birthday and the 5k Run, we had reservations at the Blue Bayou, the restaurant at the Pirates of the Caribbean.  I drugged myself with Dayquil and we went to dinner.  Not long after being seated, I asked my nephew in law, Aaron, am I hallucinating or is that Kevin Costner seated right next to us.  Mind you, I was on drugs after all.  Aaron who played baseball at Chico State, was grinning from ear to ear.  "Field of Dreams", he said quietly...while in awe of sitting in Mr. Costner's presence. We made eye contact when I left and I slinked back to my hotel and slept on my cot which really felt like a hospital gurney at this point.
It was now Sunday morning, I had a cough that sounded like I had smoked for 40 years.  I thought about asking Gina if we could tie my gurney to the back of her car and tow me horizontally  for the 2 and half hour car ride home.  We stopped at the beach in Santa Barbara....Gina wanted to get in her beach walk, so she and the kids all walked off and I layed slumped on a sand dune in front of the Santa Barbara Yacht Club looking like a transient. At this point, I just didn't care...bring on a Sunami wave and wash me away...I belonged in the ocean.  I was barking like a seal now. 
Finally, late Sunday afternoon, we were home.  Home in my OWN bed.  Little did I know I'd be there for about 10 more days...oh, and did I mention the gift of bed bugs from the blankets in the hotel? The three blankets I wrapped myself in that Housekeeping had brought to the room?  I was covered in bites and they itched like the dickens.  So while dealing with the respiratory illness, the smokers cough, the bug bites, the muscles separating from my rib cage from hacking, I am then blessed with the stomach flu. Are you kidding me?  Who gets the stomach flu on top of the Flu Flu???? Oh, and then to round out the adventure, the water heater blew up and I had no hot water for 48 hours.  But I am happy to report, on day 16, I am now among the living again.  Hoorah!  Life is good, so good again!!

Now its time.

Life just got in the way.....

I miss you, all of you.  I have been blogging here since 2006. That does not even seem possible and during those seven years, I've shared a lot.

Some were successes, a few big hurdles, take~your~breath away moments, a broken heart and puddles of tears. A few of you have been here since the start, beginning with my divorce after a two decade marriage, two moves, new jobs, two job layoffs, a fairy tale romance, the sudden death of my mum, followed within months by my employer and friend, Michael Jackson and then wrapping it all up with the loss of my home.  Whew, I should write a country song. But you were always there, my cheerleaders, my lifelines.

I recently read my blog from top to bottom and realized something has changed. I've changed. Now that the planets seem more in alignment, I blog less and less and then NOTHING. I don't like that.  I don't like that I am spread in too many directions, and have lost my creativity and joy of writing,  some days feeling like a one-armed wall paper hanger.

My blog began on a very personal level, it was like a journal, that was shared with all of you. It was like therapy. It was the real and the raw  me. 

Where did I go? Who knows.  Life settled down into a dull roar, between my refinishing furniture, shabbying up my booth, working at the baby store, being a senior citizen to a 19 year old and experiencing one of my proudest moments yet, a grandmother or T-Ma as I've been dubbed to my beautiful grandaughter, Scarlett Marie.

But dang it, I miss my blog.  I miss the c-r-a-z-y moments we all shared.  I miss my energy.  I miss that old me.

So its time for a change.  Winds of change.

I want me back......and I've got a plan.  A big one.  I hope you'll stick around and join me on this next journey.  It will be an adventure complete with giggles and kleenex.

Welcome back to us both :)

warmly,

Tracy

Four

Tomorrow, it will be four years.  Four years since we said our goodbyes. So much has happened while you've been gone, but I know from that balcony in heaven you've seen it all....the joys and the sorrows, the laughter and the pain ~ we call life.

I treasure those white feathers you leave to let me know you are present.  It's your way of letting us all know we are not alone, and that there is so much more to this life on earth than what we can see.  I've saved them all Mom, and have quite the collection :)    They bring me such peace and a smile.

   I call them my "angel" feathers, because only angels with wings from above can leave them.  

Can we talk here?

 OK, T-MA.

Enough is enough.  You haven't blogged in over 2 months.

I know I'm delicious and cute, but it is time to put me down and get back to blogging.  Just because you have 3 part time jobs, a new grandbaby, a teenager, and a swell guy in your life,  doesn't mean you can't share your adventures anymore!

I'm serious T-MA, just look at my face, I mean it.  No blogging, no cuddling.

I'm watching you......

DOUBLE NICKELS

Double nickels, that is what today is.  Double nickels.

I'm fifty-five today.  Oh my, fifty five, I can't drive fifty-five.......

And with that cool number brings.....drum roll.....wait for it....SENIOR DISCOUNT!

Yep, ladies and gentleworms, I am eligible for the discount and I plan to embrace it!

In fact, a few days ago while shopping  I was asked if I was a  "military, teacher, or senior"?

I replied, I was ALMOST a senior in a few days and the clerk said, how about an early birthday present and gave me 25% off.   ChaChing!

Then on Saturday at the Jiffy Lube, I tried my luck again and asked if they do a "senior discount".
Yes, he replied........but I need to see your ID.   HOO RAH, NOW I WILL GET CARDED ALL OVER AGAIN.  Yep, life has gone full circle,  And yes, he gave me FIVE bucks off my oil change.

Hmmm, this is gonna be fun. 

Just returned from a birthday weekend with Mr. Moto in Cambria, my favorite place on earth. 
Beach walks, beach air and shrimp scampi ~ italian style.

Fifty five and still in a bikini..........life is good.   Soooo good.

"Still" - Mason Van Valin & Chelsea Chaput

Mason Van Valin recently asked Chelsea to accompany him on this track on his latest album. 
These two attended the same high school (at different times) and Chelsea was thrilled to sing with him.  Unbelieveably "mad" skills from both of them.  You saw it here......

From the mouths of babes

Hello Blogland, it's me. .. Miss Scarlett. I am now three months old and gettin' cuter everyday.

I thought I'd fill you in on what my T-Ma has been doing as it's been over 2 months since she has blogged.  When she's not been painting, sanding, picking, thrifting or garage saling, she's been entertaining (family from England),  working her part time job at the baby store, writing (wink), dating Mr. Moto, and spending time with me, the apple of her eye!  She makes a good T-Ma, she always finds something for me on her thrifting adventures and is always mugging on my chubby little cheeks.  She has been known to call me the "chunky monkey" as of late.

My Aunt Chelsea has been singing and performing up a storm with her partner Jesse in their duo "BitterSweet" and are receiving raves where ever they go.  Heavens, they even gave us a "concert" in the backyard a few weeks ago.  My very first concert.  Chelsea even sings me to sleep sometimes!

My parents, Allen and Carla survived the first few months of sleep deprivation and colic and I now sleep thru the night. Good times for all!! My big sister Sway takes really good care of me too. 

Great Grand Dad Terry is doing great as well and came to visit a few weeks back.  He loves being in the desert climate and spending time with his lady, Rosemary.  I hear they drove  thru the night from Phoenix to get to the hospital and made it in time for my birth.  I must really be somethin' special.  First great grandchild and all ya know.

My Uncle Kyle is doing well too.  Busy, busy, busy in the construction world and spending lots of time at the lake with his lady Leslie and his boat and new camping trailer.

Rumor has it my T-Ma is taking off this weekend with her honey for some much needed R&R, heading north, I'm told.

Maybe after her vacation, she'll blog regularly again.  We can only hope :)

Peace out,

Scarlett Marie
xoxoxo

Star Spangled Banner sung by Chelsea Chaput

Please stand, remove your hat, place your hand on your heart and celebrate today and all the blessings we have in this great country we call home.

Month One!

When a child is born, so are grandmothers.

Happy first month, sweet baby Scarlett.

What bliss you have brought us all.

Smooches,

T-Ma

THESE FOR THESE

I've traded in my Steve Madden heels and Calvin Klein suits and picked up my PINK hammer and a can of white paint.  After Michael died, I spent years trying to find another position, in and out of the entertainment industry, but they were all like trying to put a square peg in a round hole.  Nothing fit.  Years of lay-offs, rejection letters and unaswered calls.  I felt like a horse put out to pasture before her time. 

And then I thought, if they won't hire me, I'll hire myself.  I will follow my passion....just like I blogged about HERE almost a year to the day. Do what you Love.  Love what you Do.   It began with an old hutch on Craig's List (I just love Craig and his List) and a dream.

I bought it sight unseen for $40 bucks.  I borrowed Mr. Moto's truck to pick it up and schlepped it back to his house.  Grabbed my Annie Sloan chalk paint and went at it.  Mr. Moto asked if I needed help "distressing it".  Sure, I replied and he left for the garage, presumably to grab some sandpaper.

Instead he returned with two motorcycle chains and begain to beat the hell out of  it.  I just stood back and watched.  I can't imagine what his neighbors thought.  There he was on the front lawn swinging motorcyle chains wildly and bashing my "new" antique hutch. Wood chips were flying.  I then finished painting it white.....
It sold a week later.  And so it began.

I am now a Picker.  Yes folks, a Picker.  A full time professional Picker.  I can be found in thrift stores, garage sales, flea markets and yes, I've even been known to slam on brakes slow down and pick up junk treasures left on the curb as well.

I LOVE to repurpose things.  Almost everything is painted white, and the chippier, the shabbier, the better.

These last five years have been filled with enormous change and growth. Beginning with the deepest hurt and sadness I've ever known, to fear, sheer panic and fight for survival, to acceptance, contentment and now finally.....peace.

Now, I've become me.  Just plain and simple me. And I love it! And through this journey, I have learned, per Pooh

You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
Amen.

Three Years Gone By

This is the Michael I knew and loved.

It was Heaven here on earth with you.

Now you rock the Heaven's above.

I miss you so, my dear friend.

Sunrise  August 29, 1958 ~ Sunset  June 25, 2009

Pearls of Wisdom



The hardest thing in life
 is letting go of something you thought was real.

Miss Scarlett has arrived!

Miss Scarlett made her debut on Sunday at 6:02 PM.

Weighing in at 7 lbs. 14 oz and 19 inches long, with a full head of hair!!

Carla's water broke late Saturday evening and she and Allen took off for the 45 minute drive to Cottage Hospital.  She was admitted and labored like a trooper until about 5:00 PM on Sunday afternoon when it was decided Ms. Scarlett was in the "sunny side up" position and not face down as needed to deliver.  Thus a C-section was ordered, much to Carla's dismay, but necessary.  Carla blurted out "but I haven't read that section of the book" and we all enjoyed a good laugh in a tense situation.

 Allen and I "gowned up" ready for the Operating Room.  Moments later Scarlett is born.

 Allen accompanied Scarlett to the Nursery while I remained in the O.R. with Carla and then stayed with her in  Recovery.  What an INCREDIBLE experience.  Mom and daughter are doing beautifully!

 Great Grandad Terry with Scarlett's feet in the palm of his hand.

                                    Carla and Scarlett

                              T-Ma and Ms. Scarlett

Four Generations!

Sing Chelsea, Sing!

                            "Bitter Sweet"

 Meet Jesse, the other half of "Bitter Sweet". 
Chelsea and Jesse have known one another since they were babies and just the other night while on stage as an opening act for Nashville's hottest trio,  The Farm, they announced the name of their new duo.   Jesse strums an awesome guitar and the harmonizing between these two is unbelievable!  They finished their set with Smokey Robinson's "You've really got a hold on me" to the delight of all.

 This was an incredible opportunity for them and they were thrilled  to be able to talk afterwards to the Farm band members.  The Farm is currently on the Country Top 40 with their single "Home Sweet Home".  Listen Here

Way to go Chelsea and Jesse!

Recent Random Moments

Celebrated Mother's Day and Mother-to-be-Day.  Awesome Kids! Awesome Day!

 Chelsea's 19th Birthday at Wanda Sykes Concert
 (my jaw ached from laughing)

 My nephew Garth at his Mountain Bike Race in 95 degree weather.  Kudos for riding in that heat!

 My niece Bethany got engaged at Disneyland, so this is the impromtu "engagement" cake

 I put together.

Teri, the baby of the family turned 40, oh my and there was a party.......

and last but not least,

Chelsea sang the National Anthem at the Relay for Life Cancer Walk

and just last Saturday night opened for Nashville's hottest new band

"The Farm"

WHEW.

Now we are just on BABY WATCH.

Any time now. Any moment now, or so the Doctor says....

Stand by.

And then there was one.

One Bee Gee left.

Where there had been Three.

My favorite band, next to the Beatles ~ of all time.

Robin Gibb passed away Sunday.

I can't even comprehend.

This is the 3rd son, that Mrs. Gibb has layed to rest.

No parent, should ever have to bury a child, leave alone three.

Heartthrob, Andy Gibb was her youngest.

Then, Robin's twin, Maurice just a few year ago.

Her oldest Barry is her only surviving son.

I got to see the Bee Gees in the early seventies at Dodger Stadium.

I still have the t-shirt from that day.

I still have my "Saturday Night Fever" album.

And my disco dance moves.

God Bless you, Robin. 

May you join your brothers above and harmonize with them once again.

Mum

Me and My Mum

There is nothing like the bond between a mother and a child.

Here on earth and after.

You are always connected

Always.

Now that I have children of my own, I understand the depth of that connection between a mother and child.

The joy, the heartache and the inbetween

and the simple moments you never forget.

~  these are a few of mine ~

when I was very young,  I asked my mom, how will I know when I meet the "right one"

and her answer was "you will just know".  It can't be explained, she said.

"you will just know"

~

 sitting together at the air conditioned lunch counter of Newberry's department store in Arizona

sharing her favorite egg salad sandwhich on rye,

washing it down with an ice cold rootbeer after shopping for our "bargains"

~

 coming home from school in the sixth grade

to find she had laid out a dress for me on my bed

to wear to my first dance that night...

complete with a pearl necklace.

~

 pretending to be asleep when she laid my Christmas stocking

at the foot of my bed every Christmas eve

and listening to her footsteps as she crept out of my room

~

 watching her pack home made fried chicken, potato salad, and date nut bars

 to fill the Coleman cooler and pile in the station wagon for a Sunday picnic

at the Verde river.

and her scent.  Every now and then, it fills the air

and I just smile.  I know Mom, I know.

and I thank you for letting me know you are ok.

and now in just a few short weeks, I will be a grandmother and my daughter

will begin to fill her new daughter's life with these sweet moments too

and that just makes my heart swell.

XOXO

Happy Mother's Day!

Hugs,

Trace