I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO TITLE THIS STORY

A funny thing happened while at the beach yesterday.....

Mr. Moto and I were flaked out on the sand, enjoying an absolutely gorgeous day. I'm lying on my back and I reach down to adjust my new bikini bottom. As I reach in on the inside of my right hip, I feel a sharp stab. I immediately flinch and try to withdraw my hand quickly, only to feel resistance and a searing and piercing pain. What the hell? Why won't my hand come out of my bikini? I sit up immediately and realize I have caught my thumb on something inside the bikini and it won't budge. As I look down, I see that I have "fish hooked" my thumb to my bikini. Apparently, there was LARGE staple where the price tag was and in my haste to get dressed I had not removed it, thus impaling said staple thru my thumb and attaching it to my bikini bottom. I could see where the staple entered and then ran under the skin the width of my thumb and came out the other side. OMG. I cannot get my hand out of my pants. Panic. I glance again and the bleeding begins. I wake the napping Mr. Moto.

"Andy, can you help me. My hand is stuck to my bikini bottom". He sits up and surveys the situation........trying with all he's got not too laugh. Crap, it hurts and now there is more blood. Get it out I scream! We are both on our knees facing each other trying to figure out what to do. We can't pull the staple out because it is in the fish hook position in my thumb and will rip the skin apart. We can see where it went in and where it came out. It is in deep. So picture the scene. Both of us on our knees, with our hands in my bikini trying to maneuver the staple. Andy's plan is to remove staple from bikini first, freeing my hand and then remove staple from my thumb. As gently as he can he is trying with his man hands to pick out the staple from the bikini..........however, he may as well of had lobster claws for hands. We tried using my car keys to lift bent end of staple but too no avail. Then we tried using sunglasses and anything else we could find on our beach towel, bottle caps, my fingernails. Every time he tried to unbend it, I winced. (come on Trace, be tough, this is Mr. Moto you are with....who has broken more bones than I'm sure he can count, been helivacted, survived punctured lungs and being run over by motorcycles ) and you are whimpering over an impaled staple. Suck it up, girl!!! And then I notice people are now staring. Because this does look pretty perverted. Man with hand in girl's bikini, using car keys and sunglasses and girl screaming out loud....."stop, it hurts". I can only imagine what these people are thinking. And now I am thinking about parading down the beach with my hand stuck in my pants en route to the ER to get this damn staple removed from my thumb. Or I could take off the bikini bottom that is attached to my thumb and look like an exhibitionist and stride down the beach bottomless clenching it in my hand. Those were my two options. After about 5 grueling minutes, gaping stares by on lookers and me now hyperventilating, Mr. Moto is finally able to unhook the bikini from the staple, thus leaving me with a free arm but with a the complete staple still embedded through my thumb. Mr. Moto then grabs the projecting part of the staple, tells me to "bite the bullet", yanks it in a fish hook shaped motion and rips (yes, I said ripped) the staple from my thumb and throws it into the sand like it was a poisonous snake. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHWWWWW, I scream.

Really? Did we have to do it like that? Now pass me a beer. I poured a few drops on the wound, drank the rest and resumed my position in the sand. Just another day at the beach...........

No More Pine Valley and Llanview?

ABC announced that it will cancel two long running soap operas this year. It's the end of the road for All My Children which debuted in 1970 and One Life to Life which hit the air in 1968. I cannot tell you how many hot arizona summers I spent glued to those shows while babysitting, earning a whopping .50 cents an hour. I would end the afternoon with GH (General Hospital) with a belly full of Pepsi (don't think diet had been invented), a can of bean dip and a bag of fritos.

Of course it's a money thing, it cost $30 million more a year to produce soaps than it does to produce talk shows. So now its time to kiss AMC and OLTL goodbye. How do you write an ending for a show that's been around for more than 40 years? Whats the best way to pull the plug on Erica Kane and Vicki Buchanan? When "Little House on the Prairie" ended, they blew up Walnut Grove....I am still not over that. Perhaps they can all turn into Vampires, or maybe everyone from Pine Valley can move to Port Charles and get jobs at General Hospital or Ruby's Diner. Or maybe they could all just wake up and find out it was all a dream like J.R. Ewing on Dallas.

Thank you ABC for the memories. Those soaps were a huge part of my teen years, my "having my babies" years and sweet memories of my mom taking a break after her housework was done to enjoy her "soaps". Thanks for laughter, the tears and the cliff hangers.

I leave you now with one of the most memorable moments from One Life to Life - below

One Life to Live: Karen takes the witness stand

R U Kidding Me?

So the black cloud has now turned into a thunderstorm, complete with tennis ball sized hail. I feel like I am holding an umbrella that has turned inside out.

But hey, what usually follows such a storm? The beautiful warm sun and sometimes a rainbow.

So bring it.

The Black Cloud

Ever have one of those weeks where you have one of these following you around?

I swear if I didn't have bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all!

Watch Chelsea LIVE

Santa Barbara Idol sold out...BUT....you can catch it live by going to the following website at 7:00 PM Pacific time (Friday, April 8) and catch Chelsea compete. She will be 8th in the line up of 10.

www.ustream.tv/channel/sb-teen-star

Thanks for your support.

Whew

So tomorrow is Friday and I have made it thru the first week. Alvin, Simon and Theodore have been really awesome! I arrived dressed up in a skirt and blouse, hose, bling and high heels.....everyone else was wearing casual wear, apparently I did not get the memo. While walking across the vast estate to the office, my heels aerated the front lawn and at one point, one shoe stuck in the lawn really deep, but my leg kept going. Had to turn around and retrieve my shoe, I'm sure that was a visual and have you ever tried to walk on a cobblestone driveway in stillettos? That my friends, takes talent!

Lots to learn here, but loving it so far.

FINALLY

DRUM ROLL..

After MANY interviews, a handful of written tests, hundreds of miles, applications too many to count, and one new suit......I have returned to the work force and back to the industry

I love best.

ENTERTAINMENT!

Click on the link to meet my new employer.

www.chipmunks.com

Interviews, Interviews, and Tests, oh my!

Busy and exciting week. Two HUGE (second) interviews this week, both on same day. These are for "personal assistant" positions for high profile individuals in Montecito and then my first test (in a series of three) in my new field on Friday. Hmmmmm.

Chelsea's play "You can't take it with you" opens this week on Thursday for a 6 night run.

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And then there was the white feather I found where I least expected it....yep mom, it's all coming together. Thanks for the sign!

SHE MADE IT!

After her recent 6 hour audition, our Ms. Chel has been invited to attend the prestigious Pacific Conservatory of Performing Arts. She is sooooooo excited!

She wants to live on or near campus and starts school on August 16th. She can't wait to begin this new experience and we are so darn proud! sniff sniff.

Congrat's Chel!

"funemployment"

So it's been 53 days since I was laid off, but whose counting? I've officially joined the "405" club, that's the amount of unemployment I would receive weekly, however, I do NOT qualify as I was "self employed". Don't even get me started on the people I know who receive benefits and don't even look for jobs....

I honestly thought I'd have found a job by now. I am now one of the over 9% unemployed statistic. I couldn't have picked a worse time to be looking for a job, other than the "great depression". My resume goes into cyberspace daily, and every now and then I get a nibble. I've had three interviews, one for a position that didn't exist, one where I was told, "you are way overqualified and would be bored", and the last one is the beginning of many interviews required to work for a "high-profile" person.

Yesterday really brought a visual to light. I applied for a "judicial assistant" position and was invited to test for it at the Courthouse. I am not lying, when I arrived, I joined 57 other applicants for this ONE position. And honestly, I stopped counting at 57. We all sat in the court room with clipboards and took a written test. (and yes it was the court room where my trial took place) That was at 12 noon. At 4 PM, another set of applicants will also apply. I had no idea how saturated the job market was with applicants until I actually saw all of us at that one testing. From twenty somethings to retirees.

I am however exploring options outside of my personal assistant background. I will be taking tests in this new field in the next few weeks. I'm not saying what field it is, I don't want to jinx it. But it is something where there is never a dull moment, as I thrive on chaos, right?

Update **** I was just notified that I passed my 25 PAGE background check for the new field I am interested in and my tests have been scheduled. Stay tuned. (I began this journey last November!)

Double Update ***** A tip for all of you job applicants. While interviewing yesterday via phone, right in the middle of the conversation, the interviewer exclaims " Oh there you are" . They had searched for me on FACEBOOK and my profile popped up. She continued interviewing me while browsing my FB. So be aware, ANYTHING you post can show up to a potential employer. Luckily, my pages are pretty tame, but gads, what some people post would never get them hired!!

So that's the wrap up on my "fun employment" search. At least I haven't reach the level of some, who are helping themselves to rolls of toilet paper via gas stations and restaurants, or hoarding catchup or mustard..........but I have taken a few extra sugar packets lately from McDonalds.. Is that how it starts???
Have a good day y'all. Time for lappie and I to send off a few more resumes....to infinity and beyond!

SHE MADE THE TOP TEN FINALISTS!

Sunday night brought us GREAT NEWS! Chelsea made the TOP 10 FINALISTS in Santa Barbara Teen Idol! Hope you'll join us and celebrity judges KENNY LOGGINS and JIMMY MESSINA on Friday, April 8th. ........../.Way to go Chel!

Audition, Audition...

Whew, what a weekend. Chelsea had back to back auditions. Saturday took us to Santa Barbara to try out for Santa Barbara Teen Idol........where just two hours before we discovered they needed two 5x7 COLOR headshots and we, of course, had 2 8x10 BLACK AND WHITE headshot pictures. Thank goodness for CVS and their Kodak "instant" picture machine! And bright and early Sunday took us to Santa Maria where she had her callback audition for Pacific Conservatory of Dramatic Arts. This audition went from 9 til 3 and she should hear in about two weeks. Over 7o students auditioned today, with only 35 available spots. Keep your toes and fingers crossed! That #21 should bring us luck!

Hair Raisin

Yesterday, I had a hair appointment. It was time to hide those grey hairs and color the fire break that had appeared in the center part of my head. My friend Heather, who owns a salon and I trade services with.....I organize her......she cuts my hair.......began the monster task of coloring and weaving my hair.

We had just applied color when it happened. It was 4:50 pm, and the power went out. It came back on a minute later, and then went out for good. No problem, still daylight, we could still see and besides we were sure it would come back on again any moment, so we began putting the foil in my hair to weave in the highlights. Foils are in, time to process. Hmmmm, its been over an hour now, no power. I sit in the salon with foil head waiting. Anyone that has had this process knows that normally you are put under a dryer to speed up the "processing", i.e. making the bleach they have just put on your hair work. After 45 minutes and daylight diminishing, Heather begins to get worried. Checks the foils, nothing happening, no "lifting" of color yet. We need heat..........hmmm, I have an idea. I'll jump in my car and turn on my heater full blast and stick my foil head into the vents. Yeah, that should work. So the two of us, jump in my car with the heater on to "process" my hair. Still nothing. We then decide to go check on something...(that's an entirely different chapter) and do a "drive by" on something. So off I drive, foils in head, salon cape still wrapping my body like a moo-moo and no shoes. We drive to our location trying to be in cognito and observe. I pull into the "do not enter" part of the park-and-ride and proceed forward..............right into a busload of people who have just been dropped off......it is the equivalent of a salmon swimming upstream. I am traveling 3 mph and Heather has now slithered down to the floor of the passenger seat. Not only am I going the wrong way against oncoming cars, I have been reduced to a mile an hour to drive through the people. They just stared. I look like I have escaped perhaps from a prison salon. Hair full of foil and a beauty cape around my neck. Heather is now peeing per pants. I just nod and wave as if to say, what are you looking at, this is totally normal.....for me....at least. We finish our stake out and head back to the salon. It is now completely dark, Heather is very worried about my hair now. We use the interior lights on my car to check its status. Almost there she says. We arrive at the black salon to take the foils out. Heather lights the one and only candle she has and then I remember that "flashlight app" I had downloaded on my phone. So there we are, me holding my flashlight above my head while she rinses out the chemicals. Unable to really see the results, and unable to blow dry my hair, I head to my darkened home. Chel and I eat dinner (leftovers) by candlelight and then climb in my bed and luckily my "lappie" still has power and we insert Toy Story 3 and hunker down for the night.

Today, I see my hair for the first time......I have an interview today at 1:00 pm.....OMG.

Who poured the Clorox on my head?

Scenes from the Weekend

fried calamari ........yum

sharing a glass of reisling

the track

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the guy

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the rain

Baby Laughing Hysterically at Ripping Paper

This baby is laughing as her father tears up his job "rejection" letter. Hey, I've got a few she can tear up!! Ya just gotta laugh!

SUPER Weekend

Yes, I know this was weeks ago, but I'm running a little behind. Between SuperCross and SuperBowl, it was an epic weekend. Early Saturday afternoon, Mr. Moto and I head to Anaheim for the Supercross. This is normally an uneventful two and half hour drive.....but not for us. How I HATE LA TRAFFIC. We had planned to get there early enough to go into the "pits" and actually meet some of the riders, but unfortunately, we arrived moments before they closed the entrance to the pits. Dang. So we found our seats, which were AWESOME and settled down with our $9.50 beers and a basket of french fries. Watching Supecross in person and watching it on TV are two entirely different things. I never realized how FAST these guys are or how HIGH they actually jump. I still have a hard time when they crash, as Mr. Moto will attest to, as I usually dig my finger nails into his leg when this happens and scream like a baboon, yelling "get up, get up". It was incredible to see how fast James Stewart really is. It was also fun to see a very pregnant PINK there (apparently she is married to a motorcross guy named Corey Hart). See the things I learn? And also new terminology like "hole shot" and "rhythm section". It was just us and 45,000 other fans at a sold out show. Loved it, absolutely loved it! And then Sunday brought us the Superbowl. Packers vs. Steelers. Of course, I'm a Packers fan, I mean I've actually dined on cheese curds for goodness sake and dated someone from Wisconsin! Doesn't that make me an honorary fan? Superbowl to me means football, good food, good friends and commercials, but not necessarily in that order. This year I FINALLY got to enjoy the game at the gorgeous home of Leslie and Julian G. and their family. And there was food, LOTS and LOTS of food. I ate so much I had my own food baby growing. Those melt in your mouth ribs, carnesada tacos, "grandpa's beans", and the chocolate fondue fountain, to name a few, were killer. And then there was the Game, slow at first but then a wallup of an ending. Great Day. Great Friends. That's what its all about.

The Gift

Where have I been and what have I been doing? Hmmmm, how about a story about a little project I started that almost had no ending. It began with an idea for a quilt. Off I trot to the fabric store. I knew just the colors and patterns I needed for my theme. So far, so good. I happily bring my carefully selected yards of fabric home and that's where it all began or unraveled I should say. Now I haven't made a quilt since my 27 year old son was in my belly, so after consulting with my BFF Kathy, (the quilting queen), I was ready to go.
I began by using my new round rotary cutter wheel and 9 inch square block to cut the material into squares. Sweeeet and saves so much time......
I'm happily cutting away until I realize I have cut beyond my square right thru my lace tablecloth and wooden table. Okie dokie, a new 9 inch scratch in the table. Not the end of the world, thank goodness it wasn't an heirloom.

Now the fun part, let's lay out the pattern on the floor, satisfied, I am ready to begin to sew. I go upstairs and lug out my mom's 900 pound Singer sewing machine.....I believe Ed Sullivan was on TV when she received it from my Dad for Christmas. Haul it down stairs, set it up....and what's this, the foot thingy majigy is missing. Knowing that Chelsea had used it last for a costume, I make a call to her. "Chel, where is the foot thingy for Nana's sewing machine?" "Oh it's in the Drama Department at the High School" she replies. Holy Shitake Mushrooms, it may as well be in a landfill for the odds of me ever seeing that again. Not to be deterred, I call Wally World. Do you have sewing machines? Yes, so off I go into the night to Walmart, a mere 40 mile round trip. I pick up my new shiny sewing machine for $79.99 and return home. I unpack this thing and think no problem, I'll just wind the bobbin, thread this puppy and begin. BUT OH NO, I had to get out the friggin CD, load it into my laptop and learn how to THREAD this monster and wind the bobbin. By now I hate the "Martha Stewart" recommended cheap crap sewing machine that requires a mechanics degree to operate. Finally after I rewatch the CD (available in 3 languages) a half dozen times, I am threaded and ready to go. I sew three panels of squares, pressing the seams open as my mom taught me with the iron. Pleased with my pattern laid out on my living room floor, and exhausted, I climb upstairs and go to sleep. I come down the next morning, excited to begin only to find THIS. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE???? Did some wild animals come in and square dance on my layout??? Upon further observation, I realize an animal did christen my quilt squares. Holy mother of pearl. Something peed on it!! Thank my stars, I had plenty of extra cut out squares to replace the "damp" ones, so I began replacing them with "dry" squares. WHEW, now lets put the pattern back together.....door bell rings.....I am still in bathrobe, yesterday's hair, no makeup and buffalo breath. I swing open the door and 3 Jehovahs Witness stand there waiting to be invitied in. "NOT NOW" I scream, I'm busy. They handed me their pamphlets and left. The little boy is his suit was so cute, but I'm in the middle of a quilt crisis, can't they see that? (Please no offense to the Witnesses, some of them are really good friends of mine, just bad timing!) I return to the Rubiks Cube look of my quilt and reassemble the pattern. I begin sewing again, get another 2 panels worth and the sound of a very familiar white truck pulls up unexpectedly in front of my home. Gads, its the recipient of the quilt! I have 10.8 seconds to grab the remaining 57 quilt squares off the floor and stuff them somewhere before he hits the front door. A handful went into the pantry, another wad went into the oven and the remaining evidence, including the quilt batting, sewing scraps and tools were flung into the garage. I managed a quick panicked glance around the room before he knocked. Crap more squares on the couch, cram them between the pillows and then swing open the front door all without taking a breath. In he walks, looks around and says "I didn't know you could sew". Flippin sewing machine sitting in the middle of the living room, may as well of been an African Elephant there, oh, I replied, just "mending" a few things. He just dropped by to say "hello" on his way home from the motorcross track. All I could think about was had I turned the oven off after lunch or was I now cooking 23 quilt squares soon to catch fire and set off the smoke alarm....after Mr. Moto's departure, I continued to again resurrect the quilt pattern on the floor. I have now locked the door and pulled down the shades. I begin sewing again, but after every 3 to 4 squares, the thread jams up and unthreads itself. I am losing my patience rapidly and then at approximately 10:45 PM, the f&!#$g needle snaps in half on the sewing machine. That its, I've had it and burst into tears. I am never going to get this done in time. I sit on the couch and cry....until I see the little supply kit that came with the piece of s**t sewing machine, that low and behold had a replacement needle in it. Alas, but that little buggar wouldn't go in, so out comes the friggin CD and a lesson on how to replace the needle. I am beyond exhaustion now so I call it a night. I gather up all the animals and lock them in my room with me. No one will be peeing on my masterpiece this evening!
It's a new day, and now I've sewn almost all the squares together. It's time for the batting to go in between the quilt squares and soft sheet backing. So with right sides together, I sew, and I sew and I sew, the batting onto my queen size quilt. I'm done, I'm done. I go to flip the quilt inside out only to discover HELLS BELLS, I HAVE SEWN THE BATTING ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE QUILT! I AM DONE, I AM SO DONE WITH THIS DAMN PROJECT!I THROW THE QUILT IN THE AIR and SCREAM. I AM SCREAMING WORDS I CANNOT PUT INTO THIS BLOG! I now have to pick apart this quilt with a seam ripper one friggin zig zag stitch at a time. I HATE THIS QUILT NOW, AND ALL ITS BEAUTIFUL TROPICAL COLORS. It has beat me, it has won!
Chelsea walks in and says, "Wow Mom, that is beautiful, it looks so professional like you bought it at the store. I didn't know you knew how to sew like that!" I learned in Home Ec darling, something thats gone by the wayside. "Do you think you could make me one Mom?" Give me strength, Lord. As I am about to hang up my quilting career and drop kick this cheesy plastic sewing machine, my daughter wants one too!
So now the moment of truth, I wrap up my offering and deliver it on Valentines Day, saying "here I made you a little something". He unfolds it and the first words out of his mouth were, "you didn't make this" and then says it again. Dear Lord, please give me the strength not to wrap him up in this quilt right now and smother him to death. And then he breaks into a huge grin.....of course, he was just messin' with me like always......he loves it, he absolutely loves it : )

and now if you will excuse me, I just remembered the quilt squares stuffed between the pillows of my couch and that missing seam ripper and gads, where is the other half of that needle...............

Hearts to You

This is what you see when you walk into my grocery store. How could any guy in this town not know Valentines Day is just around the corner when you see this? Kudos to these two, early shoppers! Can you imagine what this display will look like on V-Day? The men will be swarming like locust around this.

So to get you all in the mood, here's the cheesiest love song I could think of.

Ok dudes, get shopping!

Dear Mom,

Today is the 2nd anniversary of your passing. It's a beautiful, summer-like day in the 70's.

It's a gorgeous morning at the breakwater. Armed with a dozen roses, I begin my walk along the sea. You can smell the salt in the air. Got sprayed a few times, which brought back some great childhood memories of our time spent right here.

I pass a few people and they nod and smile. They know, and they give me my private time.

In honor of your four daughters, I toss in four roses, they float towards each other and gently wash out to sea. I toss in seven more roses, naming each of your grandchildren as I do so. Mom, you would be so proud of each and everyone of them right now.

I watch as those seven roses bob up and and down in the waves, heading towards the shore. In the distance, I can hear one lone sea lion barking.

And that leaves me with one rose which I left on the stone wall, because that one is for Daddy and I know he will be here soon.
We miss you Mum, you are forever in our hearts.